i've debated back and forth with myself for about a month now, whether or not i should write this post. if it was a good idea to be vulnerable and open up a part of my life with my readers, that not many know about. it scares me to write this post, i will be completely honest. but, i share my story because i want people to know there is hope. i read someone else's story and it saved my life. it gave me the hope that i could get through this, and that i was not alone. and if i could do that for just one person, it's worth it. you readers that comment, i know you, but i know there are more people that read my blog than those that show their face. maybe, this is for them. maybe, i'm writing this post for me, to help me continue to heal. whatever it is, i'm finally stopping ignoring the feeling and sharing my story. part one: this was written about 2 months for a guest post that didn't work out: My name is Ashlee. I blog over @words,ramblings,and the random and I'm 20 years old. I'm a lover of animals, babies, baking, good food, and being with those that I love. I suffer from depression and here is a little bit of my story:
Being the oldest in your family has a lot of pressure of being the best. You need to get the best grades, the best friends, the best job, and be the best example to your younger siblings. I thought I was doing everything any parent would be proud of: I graduated high school as one of the top in my class, I served as Senior Class Secretary for my high school, I took AP and Concurrent Enrollment classes, I did choir, I was in clubs, I played soccer, I had a lot of friends, I had a job, and a boy I liked very, very much; I was the do-everything girl.
After I graduated high school, I moved on to further my education at Utah State University in Logan, Utah. Shortly after school started, that boy ended things in a way I would never want anyone to experience. I cried day after day. I felt that I now had lost everything in my life. I never wanted to leave my room, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to go to school, I just wanted to sit, in hopes to become numb. My parents saw this change and told me that I needed to go get help. I didn't want to feel like this forever, so I tried their advice and went to see the doctor. He prescribed me some medication and set up counseling for me. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Panic Disorder. I took my medication daily and went and saw my counselor once a week. My medication made me feel like a zombie, I had no emotion or reaction to anything, and my counselor made me feel like a crazy person. I stopped both. After a visit home, I went and saw my family doctor (whom I love) and he decided that I should try a different medication. This one worked wonders! I was beginning to feel like myself again and was not having a daily breakdown.