a letter to me.

dear ashlee,

this past year has been a whirlwind of a ride. your life was twist turned upside down, put back in order, just to be flipped, shook, and thrown in every which way. i promise, that the confusion, sadness, and pain are only temporary feelings and they will pass. 

you know exactly who you are and who you want to become, it just took a couple of times falling on the ground and hitting your head for you to remember. you know exactly what you want in life, so don't settle for anything less--even if it is convenient at the moment.

those boys you've had your eye on? forget about them. they are more of fantasy and will not be able to make you truly happy. that boy you fell for? yeah, he's dumb. he will continue to remain selfish. he will not be able to fully comprehend the love you have for him. that you love him for who he is underneath the facade. he won't be able to see that you want what's best for him because you care for him. he won't truly appreciate that you would drop everything to be there for him. he won't understand. move on. let him go. i know it will be hard because he's your best friend. i promise, you will thank me for it--one day. .

you have met some incredible people this year. made some of the best friends. keep the good ones close. treat them like gold. those who have stood by you this past year, recognize who they are and never let them go. they are true friends. 

be patient. be patient with yourself. with your family. with your friends. and most importantly, the lord. he knows what he's doing even if you don't. trust him, it'll all work out. he has a plan for you. 

though you may be frustrated with family circumstances and feel that you can take no more, you can. you are strong. you were given your family as a gift. your heavenly father placed you with them for a reason. you need them and they need you. when you want to give up, pick yourself up and keep going. it'll be worth it. speak kindly to them, for words are weapons. don't wound the ones you love. 

remember those girls you taught over the summer? the girls you loved more than anything? the girls you taught the gospel and bore your testimony day after day to? keep them in your heart and prayers. remember the example you want to set for them. the spirit you felt over the summer can still be felt today, you just need to work harder to feel it. stop being lazy, work as hard as you can to get that feeling back.

when everyone is telling you that you are not good enough. shove it back in their face. show them that you don't settle for a 'no' and prove them all wrong. prove it to yourself. 

be true to who you are. others will tell you to be a certain way, ignore them. you are you for a reason. everything you have been through has made you who you are today. be sassy. be sarcastic. be weird. be loud. be outspoken. be opinionated. be YOU. and never ever, ever try to change you are to try to please someone else. you've learned this the hard way and it doesn't please anyone. and to be quite frank, it makes you miserable.

it's okay to cry. to be sad. you are human, after all  with natural human feelings. but don't let those emotions rule your life even though, at times, it's the easiest thing to do. don't be a hermit and hide in your room from the world. face those hard days with a smile and pretend you are happy. eventually, you will believe the show you are putting on and feel happy. be grateful for the little things in life and don't focus on the trials--they'll always be there, but your blessings far outweigh those hardships. don't throw a pity party for yourself. honestly, that's the worst thing you can do. remember, "when life gets to hard to stand; kneel." there is someone always there, anxiously awaiting for you to talk to them. He loves you. 

you are great. you are wonderful. you are beautiful. 

when you read this again, you will laugh and make fun of your cheesiness, but you'll be grateful you wrote this. remember, i know you all too well. 

with love, 

ashlee