Here is the application in regards to this lovely post.

Warning: If you complete this form it could be used against you in future arguments, at poker games, if you decide to run for office, and if worse comes to worse you’ll find it posted on the world wide web for all your friends, family, and co-workers to see.


(please attach copy of birth certificate to application)

Weight:_____   Height:_____
(not what you put on your driver’s license)

 (you don’t really have to put  your weight)

1). How many times a week do you bathe/shower?

___ None (afraid of being sucked down the drain)  

___ 1-3 (whenever the flies come around)  

___ 4-6 (i'm aiming to please)

___ 7 or more (have every brand of shower gel on the market and not enough days in a week to try them all)

2). How often do you wash your bedding?

___ Daily (must be a nympho)

___ Once a week (at the carwash)

___ Yearly (when I get my tax refund)

___ Never (there's such a thing?)

3). What are your shopping habits?

___ I prefer shopping at garage sales. (re-gifting is my strategy)

___ I prefer shopping at discount stores. (can buy ten times more junk food for less)

___ I prefer shopping at the mall. (great place to check out cute butts)

___ I prefer to shop at all the finer stores (until all the credit cards are maxed out)

___ I don’t pay for anything, I just take it.

4). You are cuddling with your sweetheart in bed (when you're married, of course) and feel gas pressure building, what do you do?

___ Excuse myself and make a mad dash to the bathroom.

___ Let it blow and brag about how I made the windows shake.

___ Blast the stink bomb then toss the covers over both our heads so we can enjoy the juicy aroma.

___ Let it leak out silently and blame it on the dog.

5). The toilet breaks and needs repaired, what do you do?

___ Get the duct tape out and fix it myself.

___ Wait and see if it will miraculously fix itself.

___ Hire someone to fix it.

___ Choose to do nothing and use the gas station’s restroom for the rest of the year.

6.) How do you feel about washing dishes?

___ Love playing in bubbles and beg for people to dirty more dishes.

___ Only when company is coming.

___ Out of the question, I might break a nail.

___ I’m allergic to dish soap.

___ I consider dirty dishes to be a work of art and stack them all over the house/apt. as decorations.

7). How do you feel about mowing the lawn and misc. yard work?

___ Can’t wait to get the rider out so I can chase the neighbor’s cat around the yard.

___ Hire a lawn care company.

___ Just set it on fire once a year.

___ Do nothing at all, I enjoy living in a jungle.

8).  Which best describes your cooking?

___ I must be an excellent cook because everyone I know eats at my house.

___ I burn everything and the dog refuses to eat it.

___ I have all the delivery places on speed dial.

___ I don’t cook, I have my own personal chef.

9). You are driving down the highway and notice your ex’s car pulled over with a flat tire,
        what do you do?

___ Pull over and grab my old cd player out of their car while they are changing the flat.

___ Drive by and act like I don’t see them.

___ Blow the horn and yell out the window “It sucks to be you”.

Misc. Questions:

Favorite Color _________________________

Favorite Candy _____________________________

Hobbies ______________________________________________________________

Perfect date ___________________________________________________________

Biggest pet peeve _______________________________

The most attractive attribute you think you posses _____________________________________

.Signature:______________________________                   Date:_________________________

please fill this out {the best way is probably to copy and paste it into word)  and send it to or if you prefer by mail, i can send you my address upon your request.
your answers will be reviewed and Kolten, himself, will get back to you.
*also, if you get a friend request on Facebook from a Kolten Kinsman, 
that'd be the man you want to date. so, i'd accept it. also, you may get a random text, as well.

*please note the sarcasm. not everything is intended to be taken literally.


  1. Wow, I'm glad I got off easy. This is hilarious though!

  2. Hahahahaha why not tell him about your friends? Hahaha, I am considering on filling it out and not filling it out.


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