inside.

i think that i am really good at putting on great facade. acting like everything is peachy when, inside, it feels far from it. i have no idea where my life is taking me right now and i'm not a fan of it. at all. i'm quite a control freak and i don't handle 'going with the flow' very well. i want my plan and life to be mapped out before me and i follow it. strictly to suit my desire. plan 'aint turning out so well. i don't want to be that girl that wallows up in her sorrows and feels bad for herself. but sometimes i just need to vent. i don't necessarily need answers, just an escape. to let everything free to be out in the open. {hence, my blog.} things have not been going according to plan and i'm not sure how to take it. i'm attempting to go with it and see where it takes me, but, I don't know how long it'll last. i've reunited with this kid and i don't know how to take the situation. to be quite frank, i really want nothing to do with him. harsh, i know. then, last night i saw boy for the first time and i just happened to be with that kid. it was a bit uncomfortable. remember how i said boy changed? well, last night he was the same kid i fell for. the same one i was best friends with. yeah, that didn't help what-so-ever. i realized how much i really do miss him. how much i wish things were the same, but deep down i know they never will be. ever, ever.
inside i'm hurting. i don't know exactly how to pin-point the problem so i can solve it, and it's driving me nuts. sometimes i guess we really do need to just hurt in order to heal and to grow.



also, please forgive me as i am changing the name of my blog a million times. i am trying to find something that sticks. if you have any ideas, shoot them at me, please.