Day 30: My Reflection.

"Who is that girl I see; staring straight back at me?"

On occasion I feel this way; who is that girl staring back at me? Lately I feel like I've grown up super fast. All of the sudden my childhood is almost completely gone. A word that has been used in my vocabulary a lot lately is, bittersweet. That is how I feel about growing up and becoming the person I want to become. I am quite the planner and I tend to try to plan my future out and am determined to make it how I want. However, a lot of the time a different plan is in store. But every little change is shaping me into the person I am supposed to become.

Being a teenager is hard. There are so many things in the world that tear you down minute after minute. Sometimes you don't even have the chance to come up and take and breath before you're pulled back down again. I decided a few years ago who I wanted to become and have fought to be that person. Boy is it is harder than I thought! I feel like we have these 'perfect' images and standards we are supposed to become that are not attainable. They're so unrealistic and all you do is damage yourself in the process of becoming that person verses building yourself up to become them.

Self-confidence is a something I really struggle with. I'd say it is probably one of my biggest weaknesses. I absolutely hate letting people down. However, I feel like I am never good enough which in turn makes me feel like crap about myself. I am so much better than I used to be, but I still have my moments. Especially when it comes to boys. That's where the self-confidence department really lacks. I beat myself up over stupid little things. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to be good enough for the boys that I like. I feel like they're totally out of my league. I know, pathetic. But that's how I feel most of the time.
My reflection, I feel, changes each day depending on events and just myself. The same girl is still there underneath but is sometimes hard to find and see clearly.
On a happier note, this is what I see underneath...
A girl who:
  • knows who she is--for the most part.
  • is caring.
  • who is outgoing
  • has so much that wants to break free.
  • is happy.
  • feels her inner beauty matters more.
  • is determined.
  • longs to be a mom.
  • is content where is she is at in life.
  • loves her family more than anything.
  • feels so deeply for those around her.
  • looks forward to every new day.
  • loves life!
  • wants to be her own person.

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