i don't have complete control over everything that happens in my life. but, i do have control over who i am, and what kind of person i am. i forget that i have control over what i allow in and out of my life. i am allowing myself to be miserable in the inside. to let myself slowly eat it's way from the inside out instead of changing.
currently, i am not the person i want to be in the future. clearly, something needs to change. however, change is hard. i'm sure it's hard for everyone, but in many cases, change is not something i handle very well. it typically means getting rid of something you have prominent in your life. it means being vulnerable for a period of time. and it means being uncomfortable. however, i believe that it's those exact feelings that help you grow. the feelings that make you realize you need help, that you cannot continue to try and do this on your own. it's the time for progression.
this one is probably one of the quotes that hit me like someone through a brick straight at my heart. this is the one that i realized there needs to be a change. it's seem like a simple task, "if it stops you from getting closer to god, then it needs to go." simple, right? however, if it's something or someone you enjoy, it makes the 'taking out the trash' much harder.
even so, this i do know: it will be hard. there will be times i'm going to be tempted to put it back in my life. times i will crave and desire it over most anything. BUT, the lord will give me strength. if i am putting him first, he will give me the strength to overcome these points of weakness. he will bless me with something better. it may not be immediately, but eventually, it will come. by making these changes, i will develop into the person i want to become. he will help me start today and stop saying "someday". with his help, i can change.