i aspire.

i aspire to be a mother. that is my lifetime goal and dream. to the world, this is simply just a life experience. to me, it will be my life. if i could, i would get married, drop out of school, and be a mommy. (judge away, i want to be a mom. that's so awful) to many of my friends and peers, this seems ridiculous. they don't understand. sure, i'm 19 and my arms ache for a baby, but i don't criticize your dreams and ambitions so don't do that to mine, please.
today while i was in institute, we studied a talk by neil a. maxwell, titled, children. there were many points made that i loved but i'll only touch on a few that stood out to me.
"motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling." i absolutely loved this. we are commanded, it is our duty to bring children into the world. how can the many spirits in heaven receive a body if we are not willing to provide them/give them the opportunity to receive one? so many times, women in today's society put having children far below college, travelling, leisure, and a job. [children] are "not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. it is what god gave you time for." too many times, people are selfish and don't want children because they want to travel and "if you have a big family you can't travel." i can't even count how many times i've heard that. i seriously want to smack people when i do. who are you to talk me out of my dream, to stomp on what i have been commanded to do? seriously, if you're thinking that way, it's selfish. sure, i may not be able to go on these extravagant vacations all the time, but i'll have so much more that'll make up for it. (not saying that i will have more than those who travel, but that satisfaction will be filled with other things)
i cannot even express how excited i am to be a mother. and whenever someone starts belittling me for my job i can't help but almost laugh. i will be honored when i have the opportunity to bear children. i would so grateful that heavenly father would trust me enough to care for his special spirit. so yes, one of the most important things i want in life is not a career, not a fancy house, not luxurious vacations. but, to be a mother, to have a family of my own and raise them in this gospel with my hubby. to hopeful raise strong, independent, smart children that know for themselves that this gospel is true and who know that their mother, father, and heavenly father will always be there for them. i know, that's awful, sue me.
in-spite of my baby hunger and love for children, here are some lovely pictures to illustrate:

i just want to squeeze and smooch this babe to death.

amanda and josie are my little 'children'. i love them
to death.

i hope to have a family at least this big one day.