Trust is definitely one of the things I struggle with the most. When I first encounter a person, I give them all my trust until they do something to alter it. Many times in my life, especially lately, trusting others is something I have really been struggling with. When you trust someone and they break that trust, it hurts. A lot. And building back that trust takes a lot of work. However, in my life, there is always someone I can trust and he will never do anything to break it. My Savior. As I was studying my scriptures tonight, I read this: "as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted at the last day." (Alma 38:5) I don't know what it is, but as ridiculous as it sounds, I sometimes even have a hard time trusting in the Lord. I tend to be afraid of the unknown. To think that I know all. And, to have a hard time grasping that my Father in Heaven knows all, even when I don't. It gives me great comfort in knowing that he does know all. But, being the control freak I am, it's difficult not being in control of all situations and not seeing the outcome before I take the leap. Ridiculous, I know.
Then, along with my scripture study I read the Ensign and study a conference talk each night. Tonight I read "Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done" by Elder Robert D. Hales. It's incredible how revelation and how the spirit works. My scripture study and this talk went hand in hand, beautifully. As said, I have a hard time trusting the unknown and it is something that I am working hard on and getting better at. But, still I am not fully there. However, this well-known phrase really stuck out to me tonight, "Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." It's something I hear all the time but it hasn't stuck out as strongly as it did tonight. There are so many things changing and occurring in my life, and at times, it can be extremely overwhelming. I get very head-strong and feel I know what's best and what I want is what I should get. Foolish thinking. My Father in Heaven knows exactly what I need and when I need it. I need to be patient (I think I've said this a billion times before) and trust that he will come through. It's promised."Let us not give up on the Lord. His blessings are eternal, not temporary." I do not know why I am given the test and challenges I have, but they are given to me for my benefit. Elder Hales said, "Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, 'all these things shall [be for our] experience, and...[our] good." I am thankful for my trials. They humble me. They bring me closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior and strengthen me. As Proverbs 3 says: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. And He shall direct thy path. I am not put in the circumstances and situations by chance. Heavenly Father is allowing me to choose and to learn from those choices. I am so grateful for my agency and how humbling and strengthening it is to me. I am so grateful for this gospel and for the knowledge I have. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and Savior and for all the strength and guidance they give to me, the unconditional love they show, and for never leaving me alone when the world may.