right now, i'm at my whits end. i have no idea where i am going and what i'm doing with my life. i feel like my world is spinning a million times an hour and i can't catch up. i just want someone to snuggle with and tell me 'it'll all work out'.
i'm so confused about the path i'm taking right now and i have no idea what the lord wants me do. one thing i know for sure: he'll never leave me. but sometimes it's harder to feel his love and comfort. i feel like i'm just stuck and have no where to go.
there's someone in my life, that i care about so much, that is consuming a lot of my thoughts. i don't know what to do. let's be honest here: i'm completely in like with him. i think he is so incredible. he's nice, funny, easy to talk to, and i feel like i can truly be myself around him. people ask me about him and if i like him and i'm honest and tell them, 'yes, i'm attracted to him'. then, without fail, someone will say, 'then why don't you date?!' i then have to go and make this bs excuse as to why i can't date him that seems very ridiculous and dumb on my part. when, in the truth of it, if the feelings were mutual, i'd love to date him. however, i can't. there are many complications that come with that and ones i don't wish to go into, and i'm sure he wouldn't want to, either. i can't have certain influences in my life. they've been there before and i don't want to relive them a second time. i can't get attracted to something i couldn't see being permanent. i wish he could see what i see in him. and what others see in him. there's so much more to him than the surface.
i really like him, but i don't want to. i can't. and i can't just drop him out of my life.
see my dilemma?
after i got back from oakcrest, i was on this spiritual 'high'. quickly, it degraded and i've wanted nothing more lately than to get it back. i've been praying. a lot. i've been praying to receive some guidance as to what i should do with my life. then, during the saturday morning session of conference, the prophet let off a bomb and announced that young women could now serve missions at 19. yep, that applies to me. i was immediately hit with the spirit. this is my answer. now, it's just time to figure everything out. much easier said, than done.
i have no idea what i'm doing next semester or with my life, in general. i am very much a planner and right now i'm going crazy. all i know is that i need to trust in him and he'll take care of everything. i just need to have patience. my worst attribute.
advice, comments, etc? i'll gladly take them all right now, please and thank you.
* i'm very scatter brained right now. my apologies.