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1.01.2012

finding the beautiful heartbreak(s)

when you have your life mapped out in front of you and find a mountain in front of your road; it's sometimes hard to want to take the challenge and climb it. to make it to the top and enjoy the view. and not only enjoy the view, but enjoy your journey.
i feel a l o n e
even with so many surrounding me.
life definitely comes with it's challenges and it's not always easy to embrace them with such grace. especially when you are one to have a plan that does not go according to plan. it is easy to fall. to lose the amount of faith you once had. to want to give up and lose faith in yourself. you allow satan to enter into your thoughts and take over and place blasphemy into your head. to think you'll never be able to return after you've gone down such a road. that you can't do it.
this seems to be my case, as of late.
i haven't been the person i want to be lately. i've made mistakes. many. i've not been able to partake of blessings that so many take for granted. it's killing me inside. i never thought i'd ever have to deal with this. it's truly opened my eyes.
i've neglected my best friend, my savior. i've pushed him out of my life more than i realized. i've forgotten the love, the peace, the joy that leaves when i've left him.

{i knew there was no way over it, so i searched for a way around it; brokenhearted i started climbin', and at the top i found...
every fear, every doubt, all the pain i went through; was the price that i paid to see this view; and now that i'm here i would never trade... the grade that i feel, and the faith that i find; through the bitter-sweet tears, and sleepless nights; i used to pray he'd take it all away, but instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.}


it breaks my heart to look back and see how prideful i am. to think i can do everything on my own. that i can control every single aspect of my life. to not see his hand in my life and everything i do. and most of all, to think that he left me alone.

{"why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?"
the lord replied, "the years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when i carried you."}