tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16297424267505793362023-11-16T10:25:25.536-07:00words, rambling, and the randomashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.comBlogger325125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-53041819018519526202015-01-01T18:17:00.000-07:002015-01-01T18:17:36.268-07:00im back.hey, i'm back! just over <a href="http://wordsramblingsandtherandom.blogspot.com">here</a>. ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-80895958569456028922013-10-23T22:33:00.001-06:002013-10-23T22:33:01.727-06:00MDD.This is a post that has been written, revised, and drafted many times. It's something that, if you read my blog, it hits home. It's hard to balance conveying what I want to say without it sounding like I'm flaunting what I have. So I will just write from my heart and what I feel. I write this not only to inform and help others understand, but maybe because it's something someone else needs to hear.<div>Major Depresive Disorder is something that I've struggled with for many years and not until recently, I've finally come to terms with it. It truly is a mental/emotional</div><div>disorder and so many lives are effected by it. I know it's hard to understand and grasp, trust me, I know. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">So many times in my life I've been told, "Ashlee you have this, this and this and so much to be grateful for. Why aren't you happy?" And you know what? I agreed with them. I couldn't understand myself and the feelings I was feeling or not feeling. When someone has a sickness such as diabetes, you don't just tell them to "have diabetes and it'll be fine." The same goes for depression, you can't just tell someone to "just be happy and look at all the good in their life." It doesn't work that way, though it would be very nice if it did. MDD is a chemical imbalance and is an illness that needs to be treated just as any other illness--with proper medical attention. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">For many years, I lived in denial that I suffered from this. I neglected getting the attention I needed and ignored what my doctors would tell me. And just like any other kind of uncared for sickness, it only got worse. I began to not understand myself and lost the girl I once was. I let my depression control my life. There were times I wouldn't leave my room the entire day; day upon day. Every task began to feel like so much work, and seeing people and my friends was the last thing I wanted to do. Luckily, I had a good friend who saw what was going on and made me get up, and get out. This friend has no idea how many times he saved my life that year. There were times I would contimplate ending everything right then and making a plan and I would hear from him and be distracted. A lot of me feels I owe my life to him. I lived that way for many, many months until the point I couldn't take it anymore and made a plan. A very, very well thought out plan and began to put that plan to action.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Still to this day, I don't know what stopped me, a lot of those moments are very hazy. But something happened that clicked and made me realize how badly I needed help. After having everything taken away from me, including my clothes, and being confined to white wallled room with only a plastic bed</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">and chair, I committed to take the advice that would be given and do whatever it took to overcome this. I promise myself that I would never go back to that dreaded place again. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My depression didn't go away just like that, still today I work so hard to fight it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">But I've learned more about it and about myself and how I can help myself. I understand that it's okay to be sad sometimes but it's not okay to let it consume your life. I've seen the love those around me have for me and how much my family loves me and wants me here. I've seen the struggle and emotional stress I put on my parents and hope to never see it again.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I've learned that I can't please everyone nor can I live to please them, that was a huge factor of my downward spiral. I've learned that even though this is something I will probably struggle with for the rest of my life, it's okay, life does go on. I've learned how to love and have so compassion for others in ways I never would have imagined. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I've learned that even though I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and Panic Disorder, I should not be ashamed. I</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">'m so grateful for my parents and friends who have showed their unconditional love and patience towards me, I know I never would have made it without them. </span></div>ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-62999711057083260992013-09-20T22:14:00.001-06:002013-09-20T22:14:47.071-06:00a clean slate.I've been feeling paticularly stressed lately and I remembered when I moved home the first thing I did was paint my bathroom. It was a great escape. Just me, music, and my brush. I feel like it helped me figure a lot of things out and gave me "me time". It was very therapeutic. So, as a lot of those feelings are coming back, I decided I wanted a change in my life and decided to give my room a facelift. My bedroom has been a dark green and very parent-like since my sophomore year of high school. That room has many memories, in someways, too many. Now is the perfect time for a change--for a clean slate.ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-50590817773788867032013-09-17T13:40:00.001-06:002013-09-17T13:42:16.794-06:00I've been risen.From the dead, that is. While I've been MIA, I've done a lot of self discovery. I have been finding this thing called 'life' out for myself. Granted, it hasn't been easy and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I'm living for me now. <div>To be frank, I avoided my blog because I was already being judged by those around me for the choices I was making, I didn't need another source for people to stab at me and tell me how awful I was and I was making such poor decisions. Like I said, I'm learning for me, and not because someone told me this is what I should believe, how I should live, and this is the way life should be. Sure, I may look back and see how dumb all the decisions I made were, but that is something I have to find out for myself. I've finally developed tougher skin and feel I can face my blog again. So, here's to new beginnings and finding yourself; join me on my self-discovery journey! </div><div><br></div>ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-8188644917767982042013-05-20T18:08:00.000-06:002013-05-20T18:08:11.347-06:00the big D-word part 2is you haven't read part one you can do so, here.
you're caught up now? great!
*disclaimer: this post isn't a happy one and one to turn to if you want the warm fuzzies. if you're looking for that, i advise you to look elsewhere for now. also, i'm not writing this so i can get pity points and people can think, 'oh, poor ashlee, i'm so sorry'. i'm not looking for that.
now, to part 2:
My life seemed great and I wanted to try it without medication. Slowly, I started to sink back into my old ways. I truly believed that I wasn't good enough for them and I was being punished for the things I had done. Pretty much my entire life I've lived to please everyone else and can never meet the expectation that is set for me. That spiraled me to think that I was never good enough for my friends, my family, boys, a job, anything. I didn't deserve anything in my life why should I even life.This is when I began thinking suicidal thoughts. I thought it was normal and everyone had them, so I kind of just ignored it. I tried really hard to put on a good facade--to make people believe I was happy and fine, and in hopes, that I would eventually believe it too.<br />
I made the decision that I was going to move from Logan, back home to in Salt Lake. I wasn't going to school, I was hardly making any money, and I wanted a fresh start. Two days after I moved home, I felt I had nothing, I didn't have a job, friends, anything. One night, I made a very well thought out plan that I was going to take my life. I needed these feeling gone, the hurt gone, and it would make everyone else's life so much better.<br />
I have no idea what stopped me, when asked this question, I can't really answer it. All, I know is that I am so grateful I didn't follow through. The next morning I realized I really needed help. My dad took me to the hospital the next day. I was given the choice to try and go home or to be admitted to a Psychiatric Ward. Naturally, I chose home but I knew if anything else happened that that is where I would end up. The first few days back home were really hard. I was haunted by my thoughts and had nightmares every night that would wake me up and cause panic attacks. I slept with my parents for a week straight.<br />
Today, I take my medication everyday and see my therapist once a week. I am a survivor and fighter. All of my problems are not gone, but I am learning to deal with them in a better way. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I have so many loved ones here to help me through this, and I will fight my depression.<br />
I hope that if you suffer from depression and are in that 'dark' place we all know too well, that you know there is hope. There is hope for you to get better and to live to your best potential. You are never truly alone and there are so many people rooting for you--I am rooting for you. ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-26943011504073188472013-05-19T21:33:00.001-06:002013-05-19T21:36:44.459-06:00the big D-word part 1i've debated back and forth with myself for about a month now, whether or not i should write this post. if it was a good idea to be vulnerable and open up a part of my life with my readers, that not many know about. it scares me to write this post, i will be completely honest. but, i share my story because i want people to know there is hope. i read someone else's story and it saved my life. it gave me the hope that i could get through this, and that i was not alone. and if i could do that for just one person, it's worth it. you readers that comment, i know you, but i know there are more people that read my blog than those that show their face. maybe, this is for them. maybe, i'm writing this post for me, to help me continue to heal. whatever it is, i'm finally stopping ignoring the feeling and sharing my story.
part one:
this was written about 2 months for a guest post that didn't work out:
My name is Ashlee. I blog over @<a href="http://pearlsofagirl.blogspot.com/">words,ramblings,and the random </a> and I'm 20 years old. I'm a lover of animals, babies, baking, good food, and being with those that I love. I suffer from depression and here is a little bit of my story:<br />
Being the oldest in your family has a lot of pressure of being the best. You need to get the best grades, the best friends, the best job, and be the best example to your younger siblings. I thought I was doing everything any parent would be proud of: I graduated high school as one of the top in my class, I served as Senior Class Secretary for my high school, I took AP and Concurrent Enrollment classes, I did choir, I was in clubs, I played soccer, I had a lot of friends, I had a job, and a boy I liked very, very much; I was the do-everything girl.<br />
After I graduated high school, I moved on to further my education at Utah State University in Logan, Utah. Shortly after school started, that boy ended things in a way I would never want anyone to experience. I cried day after day. I felt that I now had lost everything in my life. I never wanted to leave my room, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to go to school, I just wanted to sit, in hopes to become numb. My parents saw this change and told me that I needed to go get help. I didn't want to feel like this forever, so I tried their advice and went to see the doctor. He prescribed me some medication and set up counseling for me. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Panic Disorder. I took my medication daily and went and saw my counselor once a week. My medication made me feel like a zombie, I had no emotion or reaction to anything, and my counselor made me feel like a crazy person. I stopped both. After a visit home, I went and saw my family doctor (whom I love) and he decided that I should try a different medication. This one worked wonders! I was beginning to feel like myself again and was not having a daily breakdown.ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-72683337069118897352013-05-07T22:08:00.001-06:002013-05-07T22:08:19.990-06:00resurrected. i feel as though i've abandoned my blog for too long. i just couldn't think of what to say. trust me, i have a lot to say but i didn't know how to say it. i wanted to fill you in on why i was MIA, but didn't know how.there were things i wanted to write about and would start a blank canvas and then think to myself, "is this too much?" "will i regret this?" "what will my readers think?" one day, i'm sure it'll be shared. but for now, i will just say "i'm here." instead of doing a million posts trying to catch up on my life in the last month, i will keep it short and continue on from there.
in the past month i:
-moved to south jordan.
-started a full-time 'big girl job'
-reunited with my high school best girls.
-threw our first bachelorette party.
-married my best friend off. (obviously, i didn't do the marrying... you know what i meant)
-was honored to be the maid of honor.
-sent my other best friend off to serve for 18 months in louisiana.
-have been on the continuous quest to find out who i really am.
life definitely has its ups and downs, but all in all, life is good and i'm here to stay. ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-56849548083191031722013-04-23T10:00:00.000-06:002013-04-23T10:00:04.695-06:00guest post: becca!
Hello readers of words, ramblings, and the random! My name is Becca and I blog over at Laughing Through the Silences.
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I feel soooo honored to write a guest post on THE lovely Ashlee's blog! This is actually my first guest post. Ever! Don't believe me? Well...fine! (I don't have a good comeback to that.)
Basically, I'm just going to tell you a little bit about myself by whispering sweet nothings into your ears. Creepy? Sorry. You're right. That was totally uncalled for! Anyways, I'm a senior in high school! I should be graduating in approximately 42 days..but, who's counting, right? When I'm done with the beautiful world of high school...yeah, beautiful...I will be attending ISU. Idaho State University, baby!
Enough of the boring stuff! Let's get down to the nitty gritty.
11 of my deepest darkest secrets (actually, these are just some fun facts about me.)
I'm deathly afraid of portable/outdoor bathrooms. Like..deathly afraid. I'm also not a big fan of automatic flushing toilets. I mean, beggars can't be choosers..but, those are things that I will not stand for.
I do NOT like soda. I can't take the carbonation.
My least favorite word in the world is FLESH. Ew. Nothing sounds more disgusting.
I love to drink milk while I eat ice cream.
I don't remember ever having a microwave in my house while growing up.
I've never had a shot in my entire life.
I LOVE OneRepublic with a burning passion. Read about that here.
I have a strange addiction to beauty vlogs and other things of the like. (I want to be a cosmetologist which kinda explains why I might like that type of stuff.)
My very biggest pet peeve is being shushed. I don't mind when people use words to tell me to be quiet...even if they're rude words. But, if somebody does the whole, "SHHHHHHHHHH!!!" thing, things get a little crazy. I can honestly be in the best mood ever, but once I'm shushed, I will not be a happy camper. I usually automatically become extremely grumpy right at that moment. (That's something that I should work on..)
I'm currently listening to the incredible vocal chords of Ben Howard.
I truly madly deeply love Gene Kelly. Read about that here.
If you're still reading, you deserve a gold medal. Maybe silver..but probably gold.
I hope that you enjoyed my "sweet nothings."
Feel free to stop by my blog ANYTIME. Follow! Stay awhile! Whisper sweet nothings into MY ear! I would absolutely love to hear from you guys!
Peace && Blessings
ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-79779285319035593862013-04-22T14:50:00.000-06:002013-04-22T14:53:16.841-06:00guest post: elizabeth! guys, elizabeth is seriously one of the cutest girls i've ever met! she is so sweet, genuine, and really makes anyone feel welcome and like a friend. i'm honored to have her guest post for me! also, this week will have a few other guest posters(?) so be sure to look out for some other good reads!
now, to the lovely elizabeth...
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Hey peeps!!</center>
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I'm SOO happy to be guest posting over on Ashlee's blog!</center>
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Don't you just freakin love her?!</center>
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I certainly do!</center>
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So, I thought all y'all might want to know a little bit about me!</center>
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My name is Elisabeth and I blog over at <a href="http://immawalkingfashioncrime.blogspot.com/">Imma Walking Fashion Crime.</a></center>
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Cute name, right?</center>
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Okay...actually it's kind of long and sometimes awkward to say when people ask me what my blog name is. haha! Especially when a cute boy asks me...</center>
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But I digress.</center>
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Here are some five fun facts! (Holy alliteration)</center>
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1. I'm tall. 5'10" to be exact. Read how I feel about that<a href="http://immawalkingfashioncrime.blogspot.com/2012/12/why-i-like-being-average-height-of-man.html"> here</a></center>
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2. I LOVE Chick-Fil-A. Like seriously. I can't even describe to you in words my unconditional love for that food fast restaurant.</center>
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3. I'm a Public Relations major, which means that sometimes I get to sit and tweet over 8 hours and that makes me perfectly happy and content. I love my major!</center>
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4. I recently dyed my hair for the first time! It was a big deal so of course I did an ombre! HOLLA!</center>
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5. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I couldn't be the person that I am without it! Click <a href="http://immawalkingfashioncrime.blogspot.com/p/bucket-list.html">here</a> to read how I feel about it!</center>
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Questions? Comments? Funny jokes? You know where to find me!</center>
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</center>ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-13532524361151108762013-04-11T17:05:00.002-06:002013-04-11T17:16:18.132-06:00throwback thursday.so if anyone of you guys are instagram fans, then if you are like me, your feed is blown up on thursdays by 'throwback' pictures. don't get me, i love them. i think it's always fun to get a peek into someones past. however, as i was reading my good friend, sara's, blog ((we're actually best friends in real life. cool, right?)) she posted about her amazing concert she went to last night. immediately my mind went to the best concert of my life that i never wrote about. so, here is a throwback thursday blog post. enjoy!<br />
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march 10, 2013.</div>
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get lucky.</div>
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saltair.</div>
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salt lake city, utah.</div>
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guys, when i say this was one of the best nights of my life, i am not exaggerating. the music, the people, the atmosphere, everything: amazing. if you know me in real life (that sounds weird) you have heard me rave about this constantly. it really was THAT good. i can't even begin to explain it. </div>
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typically, i don't like to say i went to a 'rave' because i fee like it has such a bad connotation and people shut me down right there. so, i start by saying i went to a concert and explain it from there. if you're like i was, when you hear rave you probably think of dubstep, smoke, alcohol and needles (there's a rumor that has been going on for years that people walk around stabbing you with needles. yeah, no.). however, the reality of it: 1. incredible music. i can't begin to tell you how much i've come to love EDM (electronic dance music) this year all thanks to my good friend, kyle. the feelings i get when i listen to it are unlike any other kind of music. it makes me incredible happy and just full of energy. (also, if you haven't ever listened to it, give it a try. i would <b>love</b> to hook you up with some of my favorite songs, just ask!) 2. there is definitely way more alcohol and smoking at my school events. i think i smelt weed like maybe once? but hookah pens are a popular thing, i guess. but they smell yummy like vanilla or cherry so it's not bothersome. 3. the people there are probably the nicest people you'll ever meet. they accept anyone. i was worried i wouldn't fit in and i'd look like an outcast people i'm not a 'raver' girl and i was in 'normal' clothes but you seriously make friends everywhere! also, if you need to get somewhere people move out of your way and there is no moshing! seriously, it was the best crowd. also, i thought i would be among the few that were sober, not the case. there were a ton of sober and normal dressed people there. i could go on and on but i will stop there for you sake. now, i will visually show you a snip-it of my experience.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">one of the many friends me met-Theresa. we were<br />
with her for a good two hours and she was quite<br />
hilarious to talk with and took us under her wing.</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0ugeLyK_v3Uf31r3rFIRtD7PK6XZMUK_BG8oTw7QhgEc8F4gUCR1Y_o3CpjU_4SMNXqGLyBYjnoe8zg7WKvbPs9RN8lkLb-TNMfwSe77LPvGWHrXAxOVjDgD1Um9xTjKlcGnD2mr4F5SD/s1600/554135_10200892228410904_1576578538_n.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0ugeLyK_v3Uf31r3rFIRtD7PK6XZMUK_BG8oTw7QhgEc8F4gUCR1Y_o3CpjU_4SMNXqGLyBYjnoe8zg7WKvbPs9RN8lkLb-TNMfwSe77LPvGWHrXAxOVjDgD1Um9xTjKlcGnD2mr4F5SD/s320/554135_10200892228410904_1576578538_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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this is seriously one of my favorite pictures ever!</div>
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soooo bright.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinBZAJtaA_yhLMDDzp2AVUMXpYHvxp3IDtotyw8mkTq7Uk6z1soLAhg2XvmdKiCsGkcLn89ZvA8oWGkppNadgUxOxE5w7J0aQ7JS5bPD0C9TR5cl02RRmZQn1i7fHZhYym14y4Xz6bBDHW/s1600/62877_10200892231850990_212340278_n.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinBZAJtaA_yhLMDDzp2AVUMXpYHvxp3IDtotyw8mkTq7Uk6z1soLAhg2XvmdKiCsGkcLn89ZvA8oWGkppNadgUxOxE5w7J0aQ7JS5bPD0C9TR5cl02RRmZQn1i7fHZhYym14y4Xz6bBDHW/s320/62877_10200892231850990_212340278_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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we found my cute friend, kyle, among the crowd</div>
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confetti!</div>
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tiesto! in case any of you were wondering, if was a </div>
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big deal for utah to get one of the top dj's in the world!</div>
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tommy trash killin' in</div>
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walls-tiesto remix. i cried during this song, if you </div>
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guys were wondering. it's my favorite and i was </div>
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overwhelmed with joy.</div>
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clarity-tiesto remix</div>
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i can't tell you how obsessed i am with this song!</div>
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doesn't that look like a blast and a half? however, if you get headaches or seizures from lights or lazers, i wouldn't recommend going because that's pretty much the whole show.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">do you like going to concerts? what kind? if no, why?</span></b></div>
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<br />ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-44170589290627982042013-04-11T00:44:00.001-06:002013-04-11T00:44:20.371-06:00guest posts.hey, cute blogger friends!<br />
i'm looking for some guest posters to be featured on my blog. you can write about anything you want, isn't that great? if you're interested, please just shoot me an e-mail @ pearlsofagirl@yahoo.com and i'd love to set it up!ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-65194508788246864262013-04-07T18:40:00.002-06:002013-04-07T18:40:24.935-06:00stopping by.i just stopped in to say "hello".<br />
i've gone back and forth with opening this window and writing a new post. however, i don't know what i have to say.<br />
remember how i'm putting my life back together? well, that is currently in progress. there's so much i want to say, but i don't know if i will regret it down the road. is it too much? too personal? so, i am biting my tounge (or fingers, per se) and leaving you with nothing.<br />
however, i hope that in the very near future i will have guest posters and you will have something lovely to read and maybe even find some new reads, while i get up the courage to actually blog about my life again.<br />
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i hope you are all having a fantastic sunday and remember how great you truly are.<br />
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xoxo,<br />
<br />
ashleeashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-54376172643587431102013-03-31T22:25:00.001-06:002013-03-31T22:25:29.358-06:00a new chapter, if you will.a little over a year ago, i packed up my room and left my comfortable life in west jordan, utah to start a new one in logan, utah. yesterday, i made that same journey but in the opposite direction.<br />
i said goodbye to everything i knew; to the comfort of my friends, job, apartment, ward...everything. i left all of that behind to restart my life.<br />
i don't know where i want to be, who i want to be with, or where i am going to go.<br />
actually, scratch that, i do know <b>where</b> i want to be, <b>who</b> i want to be with, and <b>where</b> i am going. but are those things right for me? i don't know. i don't know if i will see the people who have made such an impact on me and who i love so much, ever again. i don't know how this change will effect our relationship. that's one of the things that scares me the most.<br />
for once in my life, i have no plan. i have goals that i have set and i have people who are willing to stand by me to make the necessary change.<br />
i am terrified. i feel like people don't understand how i am feeling inside. when i say that this is one of the scariest things i have had to do, i mean it from the bottom of my heart.<br />
i could have taken the easy road out and continued to live the way i was. to remain who i was and just kept going on and not truly being happy. but instead, i decided to leave it all behind: the people i love and the life i knew, to create a better version of myself and make some drastic changes to my life.<br />
now is the time to focus on myself and my weaknesses--to be patient, trust, and have faith in the lord's plan. these next few months are not going to be easy, but i know with His help and with the help of my friends and family, i can do this.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1w5CK63PzaObRSuXCozvTtAUya-Ga70mkVfzVf-hI54-UsZCUVU0_51pFALhfgzUO4vG7JKllHl16xUZ43ZYdRVCjqjZBYcHpDRNcoz9feGWlSntpYdRvygrmXZlyvb3IxeXrwP8L9__6/s1600/d8049125184323419663ef4e5fc2c0c2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1w5CK63PzaObRSuXCozvTtAUya-Ga70mkVfzVf-hI54-UsZCUVU0_51pFALhfgzUO4vG7JKllHl16xUZ43ZYdRVCjqjZBYcHpDRNcoz9feGWlSntpYdRvygrmXZlyvb3IxeXrwP8L9__6/s320/d8049125184323419663ef4e5fc2c0c2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0-HBg3-2CGRGF3qO140851vdg3FQ0DjXbQogZTasM0PDpAD33GuqYrgHQ010IO2lyu3cbIrN3GeB6S9Q0D5MMgi5O4mUGUd4cWZjAo70W7nqDBeGUvtgXxLyDyR8TI1qHqAAt3ekL5xks/s1600/45c18836154429532577a1ac1242d8f8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0-HBg3-2CGRGF3qO140851vdg3FQ0DjXbQogZTasM0PDpAD33GuqYrgHQ010IO2lyu3cbIrN3GeB6S9Q0D5MMgi5O4mUGUd4cWZjAo70W7nqDBeGUvtgXxLyDyR8TI1qHqAAt3ekL5xks/s320/45c18836154429532577a1ac1242d8f8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-7025834284481357262013-03-26T03:09:00.001-06:002013-03-26T03:09:31.435-06:005.5 days until i leave my home in logan and move back in with my parents.<span style="font-size: large;"> 5. </span>slowly, it's starting to sink in. having to quit two jobs, packing up my room, and finally having the courage to tell people i'm leaving. it's slowly becoming reality. wish me luck in the next 5 days. i'm going to need it, i have a feeling some of them are going to be a doozy.ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-90238875101980295022013-03-21T03:31:00.004-06:002013-03-21T03:31:49.944-06:00alma 36:3<i>"And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I will beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me;<b> for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions</b>, and shall be lifted up at the last day."</i><br />
after i got the answer that i needed to move back home ASAP, i sat on my bathroom floor crying. i kind of knew this answer was coming but it was <b><u>not</u></b> what i wanted. i knew this was going to be one of the hardest things i've done, but it is what needs to be done. i was in need of comfort and decided to read my scriptures. i do not think it was happenstance that i read this that night.<br />
i am putting all of my eggs in one basket and handing it over to lord. i pray that he will give me strength to get through this next week and the weeks to come. it will be hard, but with his help, i can do it. i know that i have his support and he will not leave me. i know that on those nights where i will cry myself to sleep, i will not be alone; he will be there to comfort me. i will continue in faith and with patience, and in his time, the lord will lead me where i need to be.ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-26247244467327733202013-03-20T17:19:00.000-06:002013-03-20T17:30:21.440-06:00plans. ever since i can remember, i have had a plan for life. i would graduate high school, go to college, graduate, and hopefully add marriage and babies in there somewhere. okay, let's be honest: in my 'perfect universe' i would be married right now and be planing for some babies to come... judge me. however, life doesn't always go according to plan. actually, <strike>scratch that</strike>, life rarely ever goes according to my plan.<br />
<u>my plan:</u><br />
go to suu and be a community attache.<br />
meet a hottie and marry him.<br />
graduate with my bachelors in journalism/english. (i couldn't decide)<br />
have babies.<br />
live happily ever after as a stay-at-home mom.<br />
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<u>reality:</u><br />
get the answer to go to usu the day housing is due.<br />
go to usu.<br />
love my freshman year but am torn whether or not to come back.<br />
get the answer over the summer that i need to be in logan again.<br />
move back to logan.<br />
change my major to speech-language pathology.<br />
have my schedule go whack and end up with only one class.<br />
decide to take off a semester and work full-time but stay in logan.<br />
get a part-time job that pays next to nothing.<br />
realize i need to figure a lot things out in my life.<br />
<b>move back home. </b><br />
get a fresh start.ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-75347667171673420792013-03-19T23:59:00.001-06:002013-03-20T00:00:09.322-06:00today.today, was a good day.<br />
the lady i work for had her baby on saturday. that means, a teeny weeny baby when i go to work.<br />
i wore my chevron scarf.<br />
mint green pants, jean shirt, and combat boots. my favs all in one outfit.<br />
i ate my dad's homemade chili.<br />
taco tuesday.<br />
my nails got a fresh coat of paint.<br />
i watched 'wreck it ralph' with mah homeboys of 17.<br />
i showered. (it's a big deal)<br />
i napped in my heating blanket.<br />
my tear count has gone down.<br />
even though these next couple of weeks will be hard, i have so much to be happy about.(i'm really, really, really trying to focus on the good things. bare with me)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0FzKkrIcCAJq4PkpbBaKCEmVJ5KJobhjvWFOwherf1MySMSBQNQgdvSn6a0kPv1V5qbZj_QSEVF_H04Q_OPv4m10P4XGUoriiVQsY5IsKcwYokeI6LnfEGyJntbXCAkfWNxSJoHAjDAcr/s1600/snapshot-004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0FzKkrIcCAJq4PkpbBaKCEmVJ5KJobhjvWFOwherf1MySMSBQNQgdvSn6a0kPv1V5qbZj_QSEVF_H04Q_OPv4m10P4XGUoriiVQsY5IsKcwYokeI6LnfEGyJntbXCAkfWNxSJoHAjDAcr/s1600/snapshot-004.jpg" /></a></div>
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my cute friend, dusty, gave me a picture of my favorite</div>
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temple (san diego).</div>
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also, remember big booty i talk about?</div>
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it's photobombing in the background along with </div>
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my hunk--james dean.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnFEcTjRW6-gYRArSAB5YpWV6VwkD_MxAegQ5LkTzdHSSJf1d7CXoVqlw-Md16tsmLmQgmI9yAvUyDeD81YPLT5PmjNKmvNgKzMaPYC67XgwY8x-XV-dAqEL3XgwG9EqlkDccMJXe_Faqs/s1600/snapshot-005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnFEcTjRW6-gYRArSAB5YpWV6VwkD_MxAegQ5LkTzdHSSJf1d7CXoVqlw-Md16tsmLmQgmI9yAvUyDeD81YPLT5PmjNKmvNgKzMaPYC67XgwY8x-XV-dAqEL3XgwG9EqlkDccMJXe_Faqs/s1600/snapshot-005.jpg" /></a></div>
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short hairs and a chevron scarf.</div>
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*disclaimer: although, i will try to keep it at a minimum. i may have some whiny posts coming in the future. this blog is about my life and that's what i write about. and unfortunately, my life isn't always rainbows and butterflies.<br />
<br />ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-59968872930822049322013-03-18T02:36:00.002-06:002013-03-18T02:37:54.351-06:00a change is comin' my way.i like to think that people actually read my blog and are somewhat interested in my life. it's probably just me telling myself that to boost my confidence. however, to you real and imaginative cute readers out there, i thought i would give you a teaser before anyone else(feel honored)...<br />
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a big change is coming my way.<br />
like, kind of life changing change.<br />
when the decision was made, i bawled like a baby.<br />
even still, when i think about it too much, i cry.<br />
it's one of the hardest decision i've had to make.<br />
but, it needs to be done.<br />
i'm hoping i'm doing the best thing for me.<br />
i pray i am .<br />
but to be quite frank: it scares the crap out of me.<br />
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how's that for a teaser? seriously, all dramatics aside, these are my real feelings.<br />
stay tuned, i won't keep you waiting for long.ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-8758854603970761752013-03-16T01:44:00.001-06:002013-03-16T01:53:02.617-06:00the switch.hey, guys, guess what? i switched over to bloglovin. am i cool yet?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg4avDU93jx5Td0aHP8m3JPI1Gq1bZAfRHoVmvLcKw6TJjU7Vjvr1eZuZ28rcGV0Ons6m64WM2nDJfhMnjZOzVBPFvxgFU1iTWlVpF2n0GDGbG0eTray_I0yOe8D2iQsHQuC5TA-XaJU7y/s1600/559854_10200735687577481_1546088413_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg4avDU93jx5Td0aHP8m3JPI1Gq1bZAfRHoVmvLcKw6TJjU7Vjvr1eZuZ28rcGV0Ons6m64WM2nDJfhMnjZOzVBPFvxgFU1iTWlVpF2n0GDGbG0eTray_I0yOe8D2iQsHQuC5TA-XaJU7y/s320/559854_10200735687577481_1546088413_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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how about now?<br />
yeah, you can just click on <a href="http://pearlsofagirl.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-5-people-you-will-mostly-be-like.html">this</a> cute link or on the other below and be supa cool, too.<br />
okay, i'll stop now.<br />
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/5470767/?claim=bhzdyr2ty2z">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-52871302185135901462013-03-14T01:51:00.001-06:002013-03-22T01:56:03.890-06:00the 5 people you will mostly be like. i once heard a quote (i even think it was in church) that you become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. i am a full believer in this; i've witnessed it in my own life. not only do i think you pick up behavior traits that are like those people; but also their language, the way they talk, and their mannerisms. you may not think you've picked up on them, but step back and look at the them and look at yourself. how freaky alike are you guys? yeah, thought so.<br />
just for kicks and giggles i thought i would show my 'real life examples' of this *cue the 'oohs and ahhs'*<br />
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1. one of my best friends, and roommates, holly. if any of you have had the pleasure of meeting her you would know her mannerisms of dancing and posing every time she enters a room. yep, you guessed it; i do the same. also, holly and i have this "voice", i guess you could call it, that we always talk to each other in and text like we're 5 half of the time. it's fine. if you're like any of our other roommates, you'll probably think we're speaking a foreign language.<br />
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2. the boys of 17. i'm kind of cheating and categorizing them all together. we've analyzed each of us in our little 'group' and have pinned what you could call that persons signature thing.<br />
a few examples:<br />
teryn: typically starts a sentence with "you've got to understand..."<br />
jon: starts sentences with "here's the thing..."<br />
i've caught myself on more than one occasion saying both of these things.<br />
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3. oakcrest. once again, categorizing. this past summer my language when from semi-educated to a 14 year old girl. saying things such as: totes, mo def, perf, def, etc. and using a whole lot of hands while talking. i still haven't broken myself from this.<br />
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4. my best friend, and former roommate, erica. erica and i are pretty much two-peas-in-a-pod. we have our differences, but in so many ways, we were so much alike(and our friends thought i was funny to call us the 'lesbian lovers'). we just got each other. erica has a few things that would could be considered 'ericaisms': credit carding people, making hideous faces when people look at her, and making up words. yeah, i pretty much do all of this, so i'm sorry if you've fallen victim to any of these.<br />
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5. and last, my friend kyle. kyle and i aren't really close anymore but first semester and the beginning of this one, we were pretty much inseparable. in most people's opinion, kyle and i are <b>complete</b> opposites. which in reality, we are a ton a like. we may have different lifestyle choices but our brains are freakishly similar. however, becoming more like kyle has kind of been a blessing. he is so chill, carefree, down to earth, and probably the least judgmental person i've ever met. being friends with kyle has opened my eyes to a whole different world i didn't know existed, and made me realize the people who live in that world are still people. they may live differently than myself but they are no less of a person than you and i. he's really helped me accept and love people who are so different than myself. he also helps balance out my control-freak and up- tightness that creeps in on a daily basis.<br />
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as i was writing this, i realized i am a lot more like these people than i realized. i feel like the list of things i've picked up on and 'copy catted' from them, could go on and on. however, seeing how the majority of you don't know these people, i will not bore you. i have some pretty cool friends, guys. if any of these sound like your kind of people, i can set you up. they are all fantastic people and even better friends. (for reals, though. i'm sure i could arrange for you to be friends with them)ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-20201791445470440872013-03-13T02:37:00.000-06:002013-03-13T02:37:07.562-06:00improving me with 1-2-3.has there ever come a time in your life where you feel like you're in a rut? you know, the times where you're feeling like you're just getting by(socially, mentally, dating, work-wise, spiritually, etc.)? well, these are the times that i have to take a step back and evaluate myself. personally, i think evaluating yourself and looking for improvements is healthy--there is always room to make a better you.<br />
and that, my friends, is exactly what i am on a mission to do. there are some changes that need to be made in my life that i'm hoping these minor (yet, big?) changes will make a much happier ashlee in the days to come.<br />
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<u>here are a few of the changes i'm currently working on:</u><br />
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--<i>gratitude journal: write down 5 things i am grateful for each night.</i><br />
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--<i>study scriptures daily. don't just read, but study. </i><br />
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--<i>attend the temple<b> at least </b>twice a month.</i><br />
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--<i>read a conference talk each sunday.</i><br />
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--<i>record tender mercies. </i><br />
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--<i>talk a little less, and listen more</i>. this is a high one on the list. for any of you that know me personally, i am a chatter box and can chat you're ear off. i need to be better at shutting my mouth and listening to others more often.<br />
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--<i>leave petty arguments alone.</i> they're not worth wasting your breath over and most don't resolve anything and end up with hurt feeling. just leave it, ashlee.<br />
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-<i>-take better care of myself.</i> this includes showering(no more day 3 hair) and getting ready everyday(even on days off), saying 'no' to crap (okay, not literal crap), exercising more often, and taken my meds and vitamins daily (i'm awful at this).<br />
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--<i>compliment others</i>. when i see a cute shirt, a cute haircut, or anything i like about someone or something, SAY IT. i'm really good at thinking it, but awful at saying it.<br />
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--<i>pay attention to who my real friends are</i>. i tend to let people take advantage of me because i hate saying 'no'. sadly, i'm just realizing that my 'real friends' aren't there just when they need a favor. i'm doing much better at figuring out who these people are but still need to weed out the bad.<br />
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--<i>free myself from negative people</i>. i'm sure we all know 'negative nancies' that seem to have a vortex that sucks people in and soon they feel awful too. i'm staying as far away from that vortex as possible.<br />
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--<i>let go of what's gone</i>. i have a bad habit of holding on to what is gone. let it go.<br />
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so, these are just a few of the changes that are on my list; and, of course, i know these will not be 'over-the-night' changes. however, slowly, but surely, i can kick my bad habits and create a much happier, healthier, and improved ashlee. (yep, i repeated that)<br />
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to help me remember my goals i write them on my mirror so i see them everyday. (my mirror is seriously my best whiteboard)<br />
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what are some of your self-improvement ideas?ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-30697625141413319392013-03-08T23:56:00.003-07:002013-03-09T00:04:31.026-07:00you are beautiful.the other day i was stalking myself. yep, not only do i probably stalk you, but i stalk myself also. i'm cool. as i was doing so, i came across <a href="http://pearlsofagirl.blogspot.com/2012/01/embracing.html">this</a> post. it got me thinking about the world we live in today... society has beauty so twisted and puts these images in to girls minds that are pretty unrealistic expectations.<br />
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the average model we see is:</div>
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-a height of at least 5'10</div>
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-a waist of 22''</div>
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-bust size of 32</div>
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-hip size of 24''</div>
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-a weight around 110 lbs</div>
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- and a BMI ranging between 15-16.5 </div>
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(that is very unhealthy)</div>
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working in retail can sometimes be a shot to your self-esteem. i see how cute the clothes i dress on the mannequins are, and then i go try on the same exact outfit and i immediately want to rip it off. then, the awful, pestering ashlee walks in and points out all my "flaws". i start beating myself up and think, 'if this, and this, and this was different then this outfit would look good on you.'</div>
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let's be honest:</div>
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- i will <b>never </b>be a size 0, nor even close.</div>
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-the last time i wore a size xs or even s was probably when i was 12.</div>
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-my butt is big enough to feed a whole family if we resorted to cannibalism.</div>
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-by boobs are a whopping D-cup and my buttons pop off when i button up my shirts.</div>
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-i still have 'soccer thighs' and have to buy pants a size bigger to cover those bad boys. </div>
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-i have a very long torso and most shirts turn to be belly shirts on me.</div>
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-i have some pretty curvy hips that look awful in a swimming suit.</div>
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-my stomach is already prepared for babies and will probably never have washboard abs. </div>
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-i will probably always have a chubby cheeks. i still haven't grown out of them.</div>
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the list could go on and on but i think my point is proven. i'm no where near what society deems as 'beautiful'. and honestly, if i were that size, i would just find other things to pick out as my imperfections. this lovely, bodacious body that i have been blessed with, is what makes me, me. there will always be things that we will want to change about ourselves, but would changing all those 'imperfections' really make us happy? my opinion: NO. </div>
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so instead, i've really been trying to work on the positives on this body i have:</div>
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-i love eating, and eating, and eating. food is more important to me than a small size of pants. </div>
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-people get implants to get that 'ghetto booty' and i didn't have to do anything. also, the latinos and black boys love it. </div>
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-i'm pretty sure my husband will be grateful for my boobs. </div>
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-i want lots of babies and these childbearing hips will come in handy.</div>
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-my thighs are probably the strongest muscle on my body. i can hold my own in leg wrestling without even working out. </div>
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-my husband will have some cute love handles to grab on to while smoochin'.</div>
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i know that it's sometimes difficult to embrace our 'flaws' and to love the skin we are in. but remember, you are you for a reason. you were built and structured the way heavenly father wanted you to be. he loves everything about you. (including that little belly fat you want to desperately go away). to help me remember these things, i've written some cheesy, but uplifting things on my mirror that i see every morning while i get ready. the first being: you are beautiful. i don't think it's vain to tell yourself and truly believe you are beautiful. i have to remind myself of this everyday even the days i feel like a beached whale. i am beautiful and i love who i am. how do we expect someone else to love us when we don't even love ourselves? we will live in a miserable rut the rest of our lives and never feel we deserve the best. so i challenge each of you to work on loving yourself, if you don't already. to see the positives in yourself and love the body you live in. </div>
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what do you do to make yourself feel beautiful?</div>
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ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-670571792282851972013-03-06T14:02:00.000-07:002013-03-06T14:12:21.393-07:0010 ways you know you had a good childhood.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
1. you have a ridiculous amount of orange tapes.</div>
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2. this was in every waiting you room you went in.</div>
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3. you mastered this bad boy.</div>
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4.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-T2PvgOcPEYYeyYC2kRaOyyKtrJd8S967uDW2rbbO_8imi0HjwpnTJ-FMcpwEzHvSoRWht3PYMpHeIAaMmdQFfULnKFSwlcNkBR1LoGMJkFWgPGcKB1Txn4wy4XQ9_A09OxWfDf29kQNI/s1600/enhanced-buzz-26201-1360262100-8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-T2PvgOcPEYYeyYC2kRaOyyKtrJd8S967uDW2rbbO_8imi0HjwpnTJ-FMcpwEzHvSoRWht3PYMpHeIAaMmdQFfULnKFSwlcNkBR1LoGMJkFWgPGcKB1Txn4wy4XQ9_A09OxWfDf29kQNI/s320/enhanced-buzz-26201-1360262100-8.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
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5. you were found wearing hazardous jewelry around your neck. </div>
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choking was in.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqO2U3cToXcDhcOCYAFNaAIFyaXEKRiDUYd7VHvU624sePeHC7T6T6J_EdefH_-gekR1DVYkDxvZJiixDd4tSK6K4WtdVJkgZuPwq2ahy3ttUrXeGLkQ40RmJW6KR5ZN4Zslg7Ge_Orc3i/s1600/enhanced-buzz-27825-1360259215-0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqO2U3cToXcDhcOCYAFNaAIFyaXEKRiDUYd7VHvU624sePeHC7T6T6J_EdefH_-gekR1DVYkDxvZJiixDd4tSK6K4WtdVJkgZuPwq2ahy3ttUrXeGLkQ40RmJW6KR5ZN4Zslg7Ge_Orc3i/s320/enhanced-buzz-27825-1360259215-0.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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6. very few things at school were more exciting than these.</div>
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7. you knew which was the best scent.</div>
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8. you knew how to draw these. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjG6ozYBOOihCXA1Fv-3vQXGMHApzJ4ylLAsjJZjxdfraiFr7eqlELBKBSwy5U_X0PclBcMA6YCoQjvzuHl8tCpMgMuGvd6vCswfadagChCW1fH4xsMRhbfyC1OUZzIxk1J0YTWeg0V-VJ/s1600/enhanced-buzz-17106-1360267000-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjG6ozYBOOihCXA1Fv-3vQXGMHApzJ4ylLAsjJZjxdfraiFr7eqlELBKBSwy5U_X0PclBcMA6YCoQjvzuHl8tCpMgMuGvd6vCswfadagChCW1fH4xsMRhbfyC1OUZzIxk1J0YTWeg0V-VJ/s320/enhanced-buzz-17106-1360267000-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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9. this image haunted you.</div>
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10. you still cry at this scene.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5bphoprG8HNvz6EnYnRMnH74iFOuXvtLMzDSX0gqS4SNEphXusJouUHt2jwP8b7TwEHF2svfr4dQiL_xSVNFXdA1XIikjrdAtZH3haZpGQaQBESu4rUSJyH8BjXuz9o4TqmzGxapdXRN/s1600/images+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5bphoprG8HNvz6EnYnRMnH74iFOuXvtLMzDSX0gqS4SNEphXusJouUHt2jwP8b7TwEHF2svfr4dQiL_xSVNFXdA1XIikjrdAtZH3haZpGQaQBESu4rUSJyH8BjXuz9o4TqmzGxapdXRN/s1600/images+(1).jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-69263369975307959372013-03-04T18:03:00.002-07:002013-03-04T18:04:40.120-07:00drifting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheIVjGxZBz_f2jQL85RPomclyIShTnuSSGzrhys7ySyS05u2qkz23vns-VsUxhEpS10VeJeAhfWVK543b6Ucsuhu84XcyH1jHBLUEVjPEthzquOcjslH2QSuUxDqQeP7spwAenERcmeM5t/s1600/77d09725b5667a2255f1e75c3faf3f35.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheIVjGxZBz_f2jQL85RPomclyIShTnuSSGzrhys7ySyS05u2qkz23vns-VsUxhEpS10VeJeAhfWVK543b6Ucsuhu84XcyH1jHBLUEVjPEthzquOcjslH2QSuUxDqQeP7spwAenERcmeM5t/s1600/77d09725b5667a2255f1e75c3faf3f35.jpg" /></a></div>
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you might be drifting,</div>
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and can't find the shore.</div>
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so hopeless</div>
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and all alone.</div>
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the waves are crashing</div>
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all around you. </div>
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just when you've lost the will to live,</div>
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you see the sun.</div>
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i am hurt and nearly drown.</div>
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open up your eyes.</div>
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i cry for help. you turn around.</div>
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open up your eyes.</div>
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farther from the shore, </div>
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or you'll be farther from the shore.</div>
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i am hurt and nearly drown.</div>
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you're not alone.</div>
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i cry for help, you turn around.</div>
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<span style="font-family: DroidSansRegular, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;"><br /></span>
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ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1629742426750579336.post-27873881836142874742013-03-01T15:53:00.000-07:002013-03-01T15:53:43.959-07:00spectrum.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4luBOZoCUXmHimvMYrnNzRvGOh2QCHEogs1yMbY2mZ5uqnAvX9VeI36hdVwkjTbbOF1__VnekuqHhgAPsj0mI1DKylU5NJOCuFzB9hgFQ6E4t-zM_VpmUMa0Hf3MNYjXqr0Ko9acXQTJy/s1600/4068b7376a376b6d274656e00fb74f83.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4luBOZoCUXmHimvMYrnNzRvGOh2QCHEogs1yMbY2mZ5uqnAvX9VeI36hdVwkjTbbOF1__VnekuqHhgAPsj0mI1DKylU5NJOCuFzB9hgFQ6E4t-zM_VpmUMa0Hf3MNYjXqr0Ko9acXQTJy/s320/4068b7376a376b6d274656e00fb74f83.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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breathing you in when i want you out</div>
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finding our truth in a hope of doubt</div>
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lying inside our quiet drama</div>
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wearing your heart like a stolen dream</div>
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opening skies with your broken keys</div>
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no one can blind up any longer</div>
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we'll run where lights won't chase us</div>
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hide where love can save us</div>
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i will never let you go</div>
ashleehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383959822184635807noreply@blogger.com2